Wise Words

While sitting in a circle on the floor, playing a game to practice our communication skills, I gestured to a messy shelf of text books and pile of unpacked boxes along the wall and said something about my disaster of a room.  A sixth grade boy's response just made my day.

"Tornadoes are disasters, Mrs. Gibson.  That's just life."

It's only day 3 of 6th Grade Leadership and already these kids have astonished me with their wisdom.

Did I mention I got a job?  Yep.  I'm official.  They're even paying me.  To get a job in the middle of the year is unheard of.  To get the job I thought I could only hope for, in the middle of the year, is downright crazy.  I am beyond blessed.  I am so grateful.  And I am so excited!  Life is good.

Scratch that... life is amazing.

Unfortunately, this probably means that the blog drought will continue indefinitely.  Wait.  Not indefinitely.  I'm a teacher.  I'll be back to regular blogging in June while the rest of you suckers are still at work.

Until then, I'll be busy grocery shopping for 60, learning from the wise words of 6th graders, and desperately trying not to burn down the kitchen.  Can you believe someone would give me 7 stoves?

These arms weren't made for TV...

... or mirrors.

We're doing a unit on yeast breads in my 8th grade class.  It's super fun because I get to do things like demonstrate how to make cinnamon rolls.  I get to stand in front of the class at my kitchen and there's this big mirror over me so they can see exactly what I'm doing.

And yes, I do pretend that I'm on my very own Food Network show.  Hmmm... what would I call it??

Anyways... there I am, making dough... and I get to the part where after the dough has risen you get to punch it down.  This is like the highlight of the show.  They're eighth graders.  What with all the hormones, punching stuff should really appeal to them.

So I'm punching the heck out of this bowl of dough when one of my gals says (not quietly), "Mrs. Gibson, your arm is shaking."  Then an eighth grade boy replies (not quietly), "Shhh... that's what happens when you get old."

And that's what's going on in my life.  So much for P90X... and my self-esteem.

Happy Monday!

Characters

You will never ever believe who I ran in to.  There I was, at the PV YMCA, waiting in line to sign in for CPR training with Girls on the Run, when I saw her.  My thought process went like this:

Oh no.  Is that... ??? 

No.  It couldn't be. 

It is!

Wait, is she a part of Girls on the Run? 

If so, maybe I'm in the wrong organization.

What is she doing here??? 

Where is my camera???

I'm so blogging about this.

If you guessed that is was Hookah Girl... you are so right.  Yes, our favorite community college attending, hookah smoking, egg selling, Captain Crunch-eating, knows what guys like - girl had re-entered my life, if only briefly.  Turns out she actually works for the YMCA* and was just there helping set up the video for our training. 

Thank goodness she's not affiliated with GOTR.  I mean, most days I question whether I'm suited to be a weekly influence on these little girls... I might completely lose faith in the organization if I found out that Hookah Girl is involved.  And I might recommend a new question on the coach application.

Do you smoke drugs and make out with girls and talk loudly about these things in public?

Anyways, this experience got me thinking... I haven't talked much about school lately.  There's a reason for this.  Last semester all my classes were online.  You don't really get a good feel for the crazies when you aren't face to face with them on a regular basis.  But this semester I'm actually taking three classes on campus!  Let me tell you a bit about them.

Apparel Construction:  I'm taking this class as part of my FACS certification.  It's a sewing class.  And it is super fun.  And there are some really fun characters in class.  Today I'll just tell you about the people that sit at my table with me.

• Tourettes Gal.  The fun thing about FACS majors is there are a lot of non-traditional students.  Tourettes Gal is in her late 40's and absolutely hates sewing.  She sits there sewing, swearing, and almost every day threatens to walk out and quit this class.  I've never heard someone swear so much... and so loudly. 
• Big Quilter.  This girl is hilarious.  She talks non-stop about how she sews all the time and she's a really great quilter.  You can tell she is trying to get me and Tourettes to oohh and aahhh over her expertise.  But the thing is, she has no idea what she's doing.  She ends up asking for either my help or Tourettes'.  And I'm pretty sure we're the least experienced (and one of us is the grumpiest) in the class.  If she isn't asking us what to do, she'll sit in her seat with her hand raised.  Our teacher is pretty much bombarded with questions and people needing help, so if you need her you have to physically go get her.  Big Quilter will just sit there forever with her hand raised, eyes glazed over.  Sometime I'm going to have to time it.  She is the definition of a helpless hand raiser.
• GBFF.  GBFF is my new BFF.  He's one of two guys in our class.  He is a Freshman fashion major, soft spoken, and has a fabulous cardigan collection.  I love him.  I've always wanted a gay BFF and now I have one!  We share quiet laughs from across the table when Tourettes goes into one of her tirades and knowing glances when Big Quilter starts in on her latest adventure in quilting.  Did I mention I love him?   

Discipline & Motivation:  This is a weekly night class.  That means it is full of current teachers who are getting their Masters.  While grad school isn't full of the hilarity of Community College, it definitely has its own cast of characters.  There are a lot (alot) of older teachers there who are having a really rough time with the whole going back to school thing.  Some examples:

• We had to give a presentation a couple of weeks ago.  The teacher was going over the criteria and mentioned that it should be about 15 slides long.  One guy freaked out, in the middle of class, and said that he would absolutely not, not, use Power Point.  He told our teacher he was going to present with a poster-board instead.  No way.  Yes.  He was serious.  Our teacher talked him into doing his presentation in Word instead.  He basically pulled up an outline on Word and just talked.  I was so disappointed he didn't do a poster-board.  I haven't seen one of those since like seventh grade.
• There is one lady who asked for my phone number the first day of class, you know... just in case she had questions.  I had a bad feeling about it as I was writing down my number.  But I actually really look forward to her calls every weekend.  Whenever I answer she hollers something like, "Oh praise the Lord!  She answered!  She answered!!!"  I spend a lot of time walking her through things like how to look things up on the internet or how to access the school email account she didn't know she had.  It makes me happy to feel helpful.  It also makes me sad for her... because you know you're in a bad place if you're calling me for help.
• Our teacher is awesome... in a different kind of way.  When I told Jim that I was going back to school to be a teacher, he gave me some great advice.  He said to write down everything that my teacher's did that I hated so that I would remember not to do those things as a teacher.  Let's just say that my teacher in this class has given me great material for my list.  I actually keep my list in my binder for Discipline & Motivation class because I'm always anticipating something new to add.

Research Methods:  This class is about as exciting as it sounds.  It is a weekend class that meets about once a month throughout the semester.  The only exciting bit is that there is a woman in my class that I may have encountered in an online class last semester.  Lesson learned:  just because you can't see them doesn't mean you should say everything you want to over the internet because they'll probably show up in your life again.  I don't think she realizes who I am because she is too busy talking about how important and smart she is (things I only say to myself... and you guys) to notice me.  She did realize that we have the same major and she approached me to tell me that she is finishing hers up this semester and knows everything there is to know about it so if I have any questions, she's the one to ask.  Umm... pretty sure I'm done this summer, and I made it through on my own without your expertise.  So maybe you should be asking for my advice. 

Wow.  This lady brings out the worst in me. :)

Anyways, that's about it on the school front.  Can you believe I'll be done with classes this summer and student-teaching next fall?!?  Hard to believe in a few short months I'll be in a classroom. 

*The PV YMCA is less than a half mile away from my house.  I'm seriously considering joining just so I can have more Hookah Girl interactions.  I'm also kind of concerned that she is spending so much time in my neighborhood.

Body Type

Do you ever read those magazine articles that are supposed to help you dress for your body type?  I get so frustrated because I never feel like any of those body types apply to me.  They always have petite (definitely not me), tall (not so much), busty (yeah, no), pear-shaped (don't think so), curvy or plus-sized (nope), and boy-shaped (I don't even know what that means).  How the heck am I supposed to know what to wear!?

Imagine how excited I was when I flipped through a Shape Magazine and saw this:

Body Type: Athletic

"As a marathoner, my thighs and calves are pretty muscular. This flared silhouette makes my legs look longer and leaner while accentuating my waist. Now I feel strong and sexy!" —Christina Luciw


Best Jeans: Dl1961 Roxy Kick Flare Jeans


Made with a four-way stretch fabric, these jeans hug Christina's curves without sagging or gapping—anywhere. The slim-to-the-knee fit and deep indigo rinse have a streamlining effect on her thighs, while the wider leg opening and longer hemline create the illusion of narrow calves. Add to that a medium rise (7 1∕2 inches) and curved waistband and these become the best jeans to give this body type a sleek look from torso to toe. $168, dl1961.com



Yes!  That's totally me!  I have a body-type!!!  Finally someone can tell me what to wear... at least what jeans I should wear I guess. 

So, here I am, all excited that I know my body type... when I get to my Fabrications class and find out that we have to have our measurements taken... right this very instant.

This might be super embarrassing... getting your measurements taken in a class full of 19-year old, 100 pound, fashion majors... but my saving grace was that we FACSY gals stick out like a sore thumb and tend to congregate together... and away from the waif-y fashion girls.

The FACS major who measured me was of a more substantial size and didn't gasp (at first) when checking the number on the measuring tape.  However, as we moved from bust to hips, she had to do multiple measurements because she couldn't believe my hips were that much bigger than my bust.

What can I say?  God has blessed me with a boy-shaped upper half and a curvy* on bottom.  She didn't need to make such a scene. 

After everyone was done measuring and fully traumatized, our teacher started explaining how to pick out patterns in the proper size... and then moved on to discuss body-type. 

"Do you know what it means if your hips are bigger than your bust?  It means you are pear-shaped, and you need to dress your body accordingly."

What?!?  No!!!  I'm not pear-shaped!  I'm athletic.  Athletic.  Just ask Shape Magazine!!!

Boo.  This would not have been the case had I worn my usual uber-padded bra.  But no, I picked measurement day to wear a sports bra to class.  At least we didn't have to weigh in or something awful like that.

*Don't hate on the ghetto-booty.

Meatless "Snow Day"

I am bitter.  Everyone is talking about their snow day and I'm pretty sure that my school was the only one in the metro area that didn't cancel classes today. 

Since it was the first day of school I felt like it might be totally unacceptable to skip class.  So I woke up early and left at 7:30 for my 9:00 class.  It usually takes about an hour to get to Warrensburg so I thought I'd be fine.  I was not.

I drove most of the way going about 35 miles an hour.  Cars and trucks kept sliding off the road and I was terrified.  Terrified. 

I got into town and everything was a cluster.  I had to park super far away and was covered in snow by the time I made it to my building.  I wasn't exactly sure which classroom I was in, but I thought I had a good idea of which one it was.

I burst into a room while the teacher was lecturing... it was around 9:30.  I was totally flustered and just started blurting out apologies and explaining that the roads from Kansas City were terrible... blah blah blah.  The teacher was looking at me kind of funny, as was the rest of the class, and I finally asked if she was Kelly (my teacher's name).  She was not. 

Oops.  Wrong class.

My class was next door.  I didn't realize it because it was empty.  I missed the whole thing.  Awesome.

The teacher was still there and told me that because of the snow she'd just handed out the syllabus and let everyone leave.  I guess it didn't occur to her to email us and let us know. 

It took me two hours to get home and the roads were even worse.  A cop almost ran me off the road.  Thank you, sir.  I was pretty much a mess when I got home. 

So I declared my own snow day.  I hung out in PJs for the rest of the day, drank hot chocolate, and cuddled with my puppies.  Mya is very helpful with homework.

I got an email not long after I got home that the school was closing at 3:00 due to inclimate weather.  Thanks UCM.  Thanks a lot.

SO, I had a vegetarian chili recipe to post, but instead I'm going to show you how I mastered the Pioneer Woman Pizza Crust.  Because that seems more snow day appropriate. 

Snow Day = Comfort Food = Pizza (and hot chocolate)

We have been eating a lot (alot) of pizza lately.  It is easy.  It is cheesy.  And each recipe makes two crusts.  So I make crust one day and get two meals from it. 

That is some good home economics if you ask me.

But it didn't start out so well.  I don't know if my oven isn't quite as hot as P-Dub's or if it is because I use a stone and she uses a sheet... but the first couple of times I made pizza it was all soggy in the middle.

Soggy pizza = blech = I still ate it.

After some experimenting, I've totally got it down.  Now, this method works for my oven, but it might not work for yours!  Try it out... I'm serious.  Do it.  And make adjustments as necessary.

So what I do is, I make the crust as she says to, and I let it rise and all that junk.  But before I roll it out, I toss a handful of cornmeal on the pizza stone to keep it from sticking.  This made a HUGE difference for me.

Corn Meal on Stone.

P.S.  The stone is not dirty.  It just darkens in the oven.  Or so I'm told.  Hell, it's probably really dirty.

Next, you toss the dough onto the stone:

Unnecessary photo.

Pioneer Woman says to just use your fingers to flatten it out.  Her fingers must be stronger than mine because I can never get it all the way to the edges.  So I start with the rolling pin to get it nice and thin.  Then I kind of push it out with my fingers because she says that finger divets are good for holding sauce.

Finger craters.

Next, drizzle on some olive oil... I don't really know why... then poke holes with a fork to keep it from puffing up too much.

Dog ♥ Pizza.

Next comes the most important change that I make to the recipe!!!  P-Dub rolls out the dough then tops it and puts it in the oven.  I stick the dough in the oven for about 6 minutes sans toppings to pre-bake.  This made all the difference for us. 

No more soggy middle!!!

I guess it depends how you like your pizza, but we're more of the crispy-lovin' type.  I don't like doughy dough.

Oh, and don't hate, but this isn't exactly meatless.  At all.  Drew's half is full of turkey pepperoni.  Full disclosure here, because I know how ya'll like to call me out for missteps on the blog*.

Dinner on the couch.  Again.

The puppies have also been enjoying some snow day fun.  While Ari has decided he is boycotting snow and only relieving himself on the deck, he does enjoy the extra couch time with mom & dad.  They also had a little snow day treat of peanut butter jars!  Woot Woot!

Snarfle.

"If only I had a longer tongue."

Peanut butter makes Mya smile.

And, that's our meatless Monday.  A tad unconventional, but at least I didn't show you how to make hot chocolate (Pour Carnation powder into boiling water.  Stir.).

I hope everyone is having a warm and happy snow day too!

Happy {meatless} Monday!

*Apparently there is no such thing as a "shot-vac".  It is called a shop-vac.  Thank you to the several dozen of you who felt it necessary to correct that. :)

Third Grade.

I had to do an observation for one of my class's this semester, and rather than doing something pertinent like visiting a FACS class or a high school, I decided to observe a third grade class.  But not just any third grade class... I got to observe Miss M's third grade class!

Upon arriving, I was immediately jealous of Kait's control over these kiddos.  I coach 7 third grade girls for a couple of hours a week and can barely handle that.  Kait had 22 of them completely under control.  And she made it seem completely effortless.  Oh, and she did all this while wearing Converse.  She's my hero.

The day started with a puker.  Kait had to leave to take him to the nurse.  The kids thought I was a sub or a student teacher.  Kait came back and they were super confused as to who I was.  She let them sweat it out for awhile before she introduced me.  Then she unleashed them on me with questions.  These weren't regular questions.  Some of my favorites:

"If you were a pro-wrestler, what would your name be?"
"If you owned a store what would you sell and what would it be called?"
"If you had to go back to being any age, what age would you pick and why?"
"If you were a chocolate bar, what kind would you be and why?"

The rest of the day was just as fun.  Third grade is such a fun age.  And they say the funniest things.  So of course I have to share some of the day's memorable moments. 

We were lining up to go to Spanish class and I overheard the following said to a girl by another girl, "I really like your headband... even though it's kind of plain and white and not sparkly like mine." 

Coming in from recess, one of the girls (I think the one with the super boring white headband) ran up and threw her arms around me and said, "You're pretty."  Kait shot her a look and she said, "Just like Miss M.  Miss M wears the same color every day."  I suggested that we encourage Miss M to wear more pink. 

I had to wear a visitor badge all day.  The badges are all numbered, and mine was #101.  Some of the girls were talking to me and asking lots of questions while we waited to go to Star Lab.

Third Grader: "How old are you?"
Me: "How old do you think I am?"
Third Grader: looks at my badge, "A hundred and one?"
Other Third Grade Girl: "Whoa.  What kind of moisturizer do you use?"

Also while waiting for Star Lab:

Third Grade Girl: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Mrs. Gibson: "I have a husband."
Another Third Grade Girl: "AWKWARD!!!"

After leaving the Star Lab, we headed back to the classroom.  Miss M let a few of the kids stop and use the rest room before heading back.  When back in the room, the kids put on their coats and we lined up and walked them out to recess.  On our way back we ran into four of the girls coming out of the bathroom.  It had been a really long time since Kait had let them go.

Miss M: "Girls, we went back to the room, put on our coats and everyone is already at recess!  Where have you girls been?!"
Third Grade Girl: "I had to poop."
Miss M: "All of you?!"
Mrs. Gibson: Turns away to hide burst of laughter.

Wow.  Third grade is fun.  And exhausting.  I don't know how Kait does this everyday.  But it was really inspiring to see her as a teacher.  The kids love her and its easy to see why.  The whole day was packed with fun, and I think the kids maybe forgot that they were learning at the same time.

Thanks Kait!  I hope high school is just as fun as Third Grade!

Study Buddy

I haven't been doing much but reading lately.  No one told me grad school meant so much reading.  Lucky for me I have a really great study buddy to keep me company while I'm reading.

Hey buddy!

"This is so boring."

"Mom, let's go for a walk or something."

"How many more pages to go?"

"That's it.  I'm outta here."

Since all but one of my classes are online this semester I have like no stories to share about school.  If there is a Hookah Girl of grad school, I sure wouldn't know.  Sometimes I miss the crazies at Junior College.

It's All Greek to Me

It's finals week. So what am I doing? Procrastinating, duh. I have 3 tests and a project to do by Thursday, so it seems like a good time to blog.

Today was our final meal prepared in my food prep class (tomorrow we make candy!). My group chose to do a Greek themed meal which we prepared this morning. We usually don't prepare a whole meal, but since we did this time, we actually sat down in the dining room to eat with real dishes. Such excitement.

My group:

Our white and blue table setting was inspired by the Greek flag.

Our first course was a cucumber & yogurt soup:

The main course was a pita stuffed with hummus, roasted veggies, and sprouts. The side dish is a baked eggplant topped with a tomato mixture:

It was super yum! This was my first time making pita bread. I was amazed at how easy it was and how much better it tastes than store bought!

And the big finish:

I will have dreams of this chocolate hazelnut gelato for as long as I live. It was amazing. Amazing. This was also my first experience using an ice cream maker. So easy! Who knew?

And, because I like to kill time when I should be studying... check out my new shoes!!!

Mya says, "Why you get new shoes and Mya has no dog bones?"

Ari got a little crazy because usually when I'm putting on running shoes it means we're going running. When he realized we were not going running, he decided he hates the shoes and attacked:

So, that's my day folks. What have you been up to?

Oink.

Another field trip today! Remember when I said that I was worried the dairy would scare me out of drinking milk but the opposite actually happened? Well, we didn't get so lucky today at Alewel's Country Meats.

We've been doing a unit on preparing meat in class this week and went to the local meat processing plant... I don't know if I should be calling it a plant. That makes me think of big industrialized buildings, and this was totally the opposite. It was a very small, family operation. Which you know I love.

We met in the retail portion of the building where they sold all kinds of steaks, sausages, sliced meats... anything you wanted really. And I was doing good. Then we moved into the break room where we listened to Mr. Alewel talk about how Alewel's has been in his family for three generations and how they've grown and how they do business. I really liked the guy and it was really cool to hear their story, especially when he told us about Wal Mart moving in next door to them and how they struggled and made it through and are doing better than ever.

We toured the facility and Mr. Alewel showed us where meat is stored, and smoked, and sliced, and marinated. And I was doing just fine. I stepped over some myoglobin that had spilled out of one of the machines and onto the floor, but I was fine. I was really proud of myself for being tough, even as we passed racks of carcases and boxes of quail.

And then Mr. Alewel announced that we would be going into the slaughter room to see the pigs. OMG. I did not realize that all of that was going on one room over. He explained all about the humane process of... ya know... killing them. But I couldn't do it. I was the only one who didn't go in and watch. But they basically slid open a huge door and everyone walked 10 feet over and watched the whole thing go down. So I could see their faces, and I could hear what they were saying, and I could see the pig carcasses go by. Oh my goodness.

And now my heart just hurts. I thought it would go away, but it just keeps getting worse. I cried in the car coming home from a test tonight. I didn't even see anything really happen but I can't get the whole thing out of my mind. The gal I carpool with said something about how if she is okay with eating it, she should be okay with seeing it happen. I really want to be okay with seeing it. I really want to be tough. It's not like I think eating meat is wrong, because I don't. But I hate that I couldn't watch it and I hate that I feel so sad for those pigs. I just can't handle being in a room with something that is living and breathing and then all of a sudden its life is taken away. I know it is a pig and not a person. It just made me terribly sad.

Baghdad.

Foods class today was all about international cuisine. We each chose a country to research and then gave a presentation on their food culture and history. The day left me hungry, but also totally inspired. I love to travel. And I love to explore different foods. I don't know that we will be traveling internationally for a while, so I guess I will just have to be satisfied with trying to convince Drew to try Indian food with me. It's trickier than you'd think.

I did my research paper/presentation over Spain. I love Spain. It is really the only country whose food culture I've actually experienced. I've been to London, but only really remember eating at a Mexican restaurant. I've been to Portugal, but spent the majority of my time there on a booze cruise... not exactly your traditional Portuguese cultural experience.

So I chose Spain, because it gave me a chance to share my experiences and talk about myself. And we all know how much I love to talk about myself. The real challenge was how to work the puppies into the presentation. I thought I was out of luck until I was putting together the Power Point and realized I didn't have a photo to go with my slide about the Spanish tradition of siesta. Puppy nap time? Problem solved:

Mya is surely going to be pissed when she finds out that Drew took her spot in class. She's the real fame whore of our house.

So, the whole experience got me thinking about the last time I had to give a presentation on an international country. Thinking back... way back... yep. It was in seventh grade. We were learning about Europe and each of us got to pick a country to research and present to the class. I chose Ireland, because I'm Irish. Super Irish (that's another story for another time).

Somehow my BFF Nicky was not in class that day to pick a country. So the next day, when the teacher told her to choose any country because they'd all been assigned so she'd just have to double up with someone, she obviously chose Ireland too. Duh. Half the work. Our teacher gave us a nice little lecture about how we needed to do our own research and he didn't want us to work together at all. Uh, yeah right Mr. Moore. Like you would even know.

We split the work up and each researched half of the material and then shared. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I didn't even question her when she told me the capital of Ireland is Baghdad. Sounds good to me. So I stood in front of the class and told them all about Ireland... and its capital of Baghdad. And my teacher didn't say a word. The next day, Nicky stood up and gave her presentation on Ireland... and its capital of Baghdad. Busted. Mr. Moore totally called us out in front of the entire class for cheating.

And that was the last time I ever cheated off of Nicky.

Got Milk?

The Shatto Milk Company is a family owned dairy farm somewhere out in Missouri. You may have seen their milk in glass containers sold at Price Choppers around town. They are super cute. I loved everything about this little dairy farm... well, maybe not the smell.

We started our tour off in the milking room... or whatever they called it. I was seriously nervous that I wouldn't be able to drink milk after today, but I was pleasantly surprised at the cleanliness of the whole process and how dang nice they are to their cows. It probably helped that all of the cows had names.

Here's one of the gals (they called them "the ladies") hooked up to the milk machine. The ladies are milked twice a day:

This is Pat. She is a Root Beer Milk Cow. She produces root beer milk. They also have banana milk cows, strawberry milk cows, and chocolate milk cows. I didn't get to meet any of them.

And here I am milking Clara:

Okay, when I heard I was going to learn how to milk a cow I was pretty excited. This was more of just squeezing an udder while getting your picture taken. Milk came out, but I wouldn't call myself an expert milker.

Meet Annie. Annie was born on Sunday! She is only two days old and was just the sweetest, skinniest thing ever:

Next we moved on to milk tasting. The flavored milks were seriously good, and seriously rich. They are all made from whole milk... which kind of put my stomach in ropes. Delicious, but dangerous.

This is the butter, cheese, and ice cream room:

Who knew all of my favorite things could be made in one little room? And here is one of the old milk delivery trucks that has been restored:

Shatto still does milk delivery in the area. The milk is packaged in glass bottles which can then be returned and reused. This is the processing room where the bottles come straight from the cleaning machine and are filled with milk, capped, stamped with a sell by date, and sent off to the market:

These guys are bottling banana milk that came from a cow this morning. Once it reaches the grocery store, it is usually only 12 hours old. That is fresh!

I just loved everything about this little dairy farm. Everyone seemed so passionate about their job and the product they produce. When asked about growing their herd of 300 ladies, our guide told us that there is demand for more product but they want to grow responsibly. They don't want to grow so fast that it affects the quality of their product.

The whole experience just gave me warm fuzzies. And stomach cramps. I kind of pride myself on having a stomach of steel, but the bottle of root beer milk I bought kicked my butt. I think I'll have to stick with the skim milk from now on.

Rambutan & Dog

We gave presentations today in Foods class over an exotic fruit or vegetable of our choice. I chose rambutan. Don't know what that is? It looks like this:

I took that picture as part of the assignment was to supply the class with a photo of our fruit or veggie. Well, since I actually hunted down the little rascals, I kind of felt like the photo was unnecessary. But then I remembered how much the perros like to be part of my class presentations. So I took more pictures for the class:

Yes, I am a crazy dog lady. But isn't it kind of endearing after I admit to it? I just love those furries so much and want the world, or at least my class-mates, to enjoy them too. And honestly, I think the teacher probably appreciates my efforts. I mean, I searched the city for these dang little fruits and the guy who did mango couldn't even bring one in. Hello, they sell those at Price Chopper. For that, you deserve another picture.

Ari says, "Give me the rambutan!"

Our next presentation is on a foreign country and their food culture. I chose Spain, obviously, because I have pictures of me in Spain eating drinking. The only problem is, the puppies weren't around when I was in Spain so it is going to be tricky to work them into the Power Point. Any suggestions? Anyone know how to photo shop a Boxer onto a booze cruise?

Freedom!!!

Yesterday was my last final of the semester! And let me tell you, I rocked this whole community college thing. I liken it to the episode of Friends where Monica takes the beginner cooking class and fashions a gold star so the teacher can award it to her for making the best cookies. And yes, I do feel like a phony sometimes, but no one has to know that I actually already have a degree.

My teachers love me. Its because I do things like show up to class, turn stuff in, study for tests, show up for tests. I really don't think they expect their students to listen and do things they're told.

Like, in my Textiles class, we have at least one assignment due every week. So I turn my assignment in every week. But, it doesn't matter when you turn an assignment in; you still get full credit for it... even if it isn't done! And before our tests our teacher gives us a study guide and lets us bring a page of notes, front & back, to use on the test. So what do I do? I fill out the study guide and bring it to the test where all of the questions are directly off of the study guide and SURPRISE!!! I ace the test. Then our teacher says that since so many people failed the test, she will let you retake it if you want. Umm... what??

Anyways, I won't let the semester end without a few funny stories from the last few weeks:

• We had our last test before the Human Sexuality final a couple of weeks ago. In the class following the test, our teacher handed back our tests and prepared to go over them with us. Right before she started, Hookah Girl walked in. Our teacher gave her a sour look and continued without handing back Hookah Girl's test. I figured she was just pissed that this girl walks in late everyday. After going over all of the questions and talking about the test for like 30 minutes, the teacher asks if there are any questions. HG raises her hand and says, "Did I like, miss a test or something?"
• Our final section in Human Sexuality covered such wonderful subjects as STDs, Sex Therapy, and Sexual Deviancy. We're discussing exhibitionism in class when Hookah Girl raises her hand. "Sometimes when I'm in the car I like to flash my friends in the car next to me. Does that mean I'm an exhibitionist?" Girlfriend, we've got bigger problems than that.
• At my Chemistry review, my teacher was talking to a girl and somehow it came up that she was 22. My teacher couldn't believe it... thought she was like 18. "You look so young!" Then she looks directly at me and says, "Jamie, you're old like me right?" Hmm... this is the first time I've gotten this comment. She goes on to say, "I don't know what it is but there's something about you that makes me think you are older..." Ahh yes, it must be my aura of wisdom, the grace with which I carry myself, the general lack of VS Pink in my wardrobe... "I think its the way you wear your hair." Ouch. At least she didn't say the wrinkles around my eyes.

So that's it! I'm done with school for the next ten days!!! What does that mean?? Lots of cleaning the house, working in the yard, running, and hopefully blogging! Lucky you!

Gettin' FAC-sy

Before Cade came into the world, I enlisted Jana's expertise for a project for my textiles class. We had to make something, obviously using textiles. All of the people in my class are fashion majors so they are doing really complicated things like spinning their own yarn to knit. Not something I'm going to attempt.

Instead, I met Jana in her 6th grade FACS classroom to sew an apron! It seemed totally appropriate.

Trying to figure out how the heck to make an apron:

Jana showing off the pre-Cade belly:

Who knew so much went into sewing??? We had to cut and pin and iron... all before we even made it to the sewing machine!

This was my first go at a sewing machine since seventh grade Home-Ec. It was actually really fun... although I'm not sure my skills were much better than Jana's sixth graders:

Showing off the finished product:

Umm... Jana is a bit more of a perfectionist than I am and had to go back and fix my work:

I had to add two more finishes so the Olathe East fashion girls helped me to embroider a big "G" on the front and add eyelets to the pocket. I'm going to be the most fashionable cook in my kitchen. Take that Mya!

Tomorrow I have to present my project to the class. So while the other girls are showing off their home-spun yarn and hand-dyed fabrics, I'll be able to present my apron along with my business plan to have all of my sixth-graders churn out aprons to sell at PTA meetings. It will be just like my own little sweat shop!

Thanks Jana for all your help with my project! If it were me who was 9-months pregnant and someone asked for my entire evening, I would have told them to go fly a kite and planted myself on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. You're such a great friend! And you have such a cute baby!!!

Hail To the Captain

I haven't talked about school for awhile. I know you're all dying to hear about Hookah Girl's crazy antics. Here's a quick recap on what's going down at community college:

• It's hot. At community college, hot weather = butt cracks. I've seen more BC in the last few weeks than I have in my entire life. And I think the girls know it. I just don't think they care. Here's my theory: low rise jeans came about when I was growing up (middle school? High school? Not sure.) so I had to make the transition to the potentially BC baring jeans. These girls have never known jeans to be anything but low rise, so I think they just assume your crack is supposed to show. During the winter the cracks were mostly covered up with coats and big sweatshirts. But now that the weather is warming up, they've all started donning their best sparkly halter tops that do nothing to conceal the derier. Crack kills.
• Last week a lady from Planned Parenthood came to our Human Sexuality class to do a presentation on STIs... which apparently is the new name for STDs. Weird. Anyways, I figured we'd get some good stories from Hookah Girl, since she's always so open with us. But she didn't say a word. She sat down and pulled out a gallon size Ziploc baggie of Captain Crunch Berries and munched on them slowly while the woman demonstrated how to properly use condoms and dental dams. I just picture her at home pulling out the box and stopping to think, "Maybe its weird if I bring the whole box." So she dumps the entire box into a huge freezer bag. I told you about the time she brought a family size carton of orange juice and drank directly from it during class, right?
• Today in Sex Class we were discussing marriage, divorce, and blended families. People were sharing stories of their own experiences with parents divorcing and transitioning into families with step-parents and step-brothers and sisters and the difficulties they had. Hookah Girl raises her hand and says, "Its like in that movie Step Brother where Will Ferrel has a really hard time getting used to a step brother." Ummm... wow. Our teacher has just started nodding and moving on.
• All chemistry presentations continue to have a slide about pets... thanks to me starting the trend! A guy went last week and his presentation was on ethyl alcohol. He didn't have any pets, so he thought it was funny to make every other slide a picture of a cat getting drunk from I Can Has Cheezeburger. It was not funny. It was totally inappropriate. One picture = funny. An entire presentation based on drunk cats = you fail, dummy.
• My Chemistry lab partners always think I'm dumb. Do I give off that vibe? You know in Mean Girls when Cady asks Aaron Samuels to tutor her in math and she keeps saying, "Wrong." in her head? Its like that, but I didn't ask for help. Any time I have a guy lab partner, he tries to let me copy his work, or tries to help me when my answer is different from his, and I always think in my head, "Wrong". Any advice on how to start giving off a genius vibe? Because seriously, I already landed my Aaron Samuels.

Ask A Gay Day

Today was "Ask a Gay Day" in Human Sexuality. We had a panel from the JCCC Queers & Allies come to our class and lead a discussion about all things queer. The panel was made up of a gay man, a bisexual man, a straight man (the alli), and a transgendered person who was biologically female, but living as a man. Interesting stuff.

In the middle of some hot topics such as same-sex marriage and coming-out stories, Hookah Girl goes into a long, detailed confession of her own. Basically she was telling the panel and the entire class that she likes to make out with girls at clubs, but she's not a lesbian. She just does it because guys think its hot. She usually makes out with the same girl and she didn't think this girl was a lesbian either, but then one night they were really drunk and the girl tried to do more than make out, but Hookah girl just took it as a compliment that both guys and girls think she's hot...

The story went on... and on... and on. I was visibly cringing the entire time. My mouth may have fallen open more than once. It. Was. Awful. Someone seriously needs to have a talk with this girl about waiting until after class to hit up the hookah.

In a more serious and political nature than I usually take on my super hot blog; I was completely horrified at some of the stories I heard today about the struggles same-sex couples go through because they can't get married. I believe "marriage" in the church is recognized as between a man and a woman. But everyone deserves the right to a civil union and the legal rights that go with it, regardless of who they decide to spend their life with. I really think that same-sex marriage is the civil rights movement of our day and age... that in 50 years our grandchildren are going to be horrified by stories of how we denied rights to American citizens based soley on their sexual orientation.

***Steps off soap box***picks up hookah***puff puff puff***

Trend Setter

Things we know about me:

1. I'm overly obsessed with my dogs... like I assume most dog owners without children are about their furry kiddos.
2. I think I am funnier than I probably am... its an inherited trait. Thanks Dad!
3. I'm a Chemistry genius.
4. People want to be just like me.

So, in my Chemistry class we each have to give a presentation sometime throughout the semester on certain topics. Somehow I was the last person to get the sign up sheet and had to give my presentation at the beginning of the semester on Iodine-123. Big snoozer. I put together a Power Point all about the amazing awesomeness of Iodine-123 (its an isotope used as a radiotracer in testing the Thyroid, in case you were wondering), but because I think I'm funny, and I'm obsessed with my dogs, I dedicated an entire slide to Ari and Mya and shared my love for them with the class. Our teacher is kind of a crazy cat lady, so she got a kick out of it.

Well, it seems I've started a trend. Now every time someone gives a presentation, they include information about their pet along with whatever thrilling Chemistry topic they've been assigned. I about peed my pants today when the Abercrombie wearing, frat-boy wannabe (this is community college, we don't have a Greek system) started his Polymer presentation with a picture of his 20 pound cat. Hilarious. I'm so proud to have encouraged my classmates to get in touch with their inner crazy dog (or cat) person!

Coyote Ugly

Quote of the Day:

"Your kids are the kids my kids won't be allowed to hang out with."

-Kaitlyn McInerny (Said to me sometime ago back in my first go-round of college)

Well Kait, I may not have kiddos of my own, but I sure am allowed to hang out with (and influence) other people's kids. That's right, I'm an official (is there any other kind?) teacher aide at Olathe East High School. Every Monday and Wednesday I go for a few hours and help out in two classes, both Fashion 1. Who would have thought they'd allow me to be around kids?! Apparently they don't do background checks for these kinds of things.

I didn't know much going into this, just that they'd paired me up with a FACS teacher, which can mean a lot of things. My first encounter with my teacher was interrupted when another faculty member walked by and my teacher hollered out her Bachelor predictions. That's when I knew we'd get along just fine. I was so thrilled when she showed me around the classroom and pointed out the "Door of Hotness" where the students (all girls) are encouraged to bring photos of hot guys to hang up. She invited me to bring a photo too. Would it be weird if I brought a picture of Drew making yummy faces?

All the students are girls, and they are hilarious. Right now they are working on putting together a fashion show. I don't remember having this sort of thing in high school, but apparently it is a really big deal at East. I'm so excited to help them put it together. And so un-qualified. There's no sewing or anything involved (Thank goodness! Right Jana?), but even so, I'm not exactly a fashion maven. If anyone needs help pairing black with pearls, I'm your gal.

And since I know ya'll are dying for an update on life in Community College, here ya go:

• In Human Sexuality we were discussing how researchers collect data on sex, which sometimes entails experiments that involve people being hooked up to machines to measure heart rate, blood pressure, etc. while they... do it. Hookah girl announced that she is broke and wonders how much these experiments pay. She's also interested in selling her eggs. Umm... I'm sorry, I didn't realize this class doubles as a black market for reproductive parts. I wanted to shake her and shout, "Stop spending money on hookah or you'll never get out of community college!!!"
• In textiles class we were doing an experiment where we had to burn different pieces of fabric and note differences in flame size, smell, etc. Obviously we had to go outside to do this. Immediately after arriving outside, my entire group lit up their cigarettes. With each new fabric that we (I) burned, I would announce that it smelled like cigarette smoke... thinking I was funny. No one else thought I was funny and they wrote on their papers that each fabric smelled like cigarette smoke when it burned. Huh. Maybe I'm not funny... but at least my lungs are clean(ish).
• A lovely woman in my textiles class saw my wedding ring and started giving me lots of great tips on what to do when I get divorced. So helpful these folks! Had she not had a cigarette in one hand I'm sure she would have written all of this helpful information down for me. She did offer me a cigarette though. Lung cancer & a divorce, wow!
• This is not a joke. I was walking through the cafeteria at lunch time, so like every seat was full. I seriously stopped short when I passed a man... probably in his fifties... sitting at a table alone... studying... with a boom box... blaring... wait for it... Leanne Rhymes... Can't Fight The Moonlight. I looked around thinking that this seriously has to be some kind of a joke. I'm being punked, right? I don't think I was.

Back To School

I've been in class for a whole week now, and I've made some important observations; specifically that I am way out of my league... and also sort of in my element... if that makes sense.

Some Junior College happenings:

• I am taking Chemistry. Scary, right? Not really. Half the class is made up of middle-aged women pulling backpacks with wheels who can't understand the concept of weight vs. mass. I often feel like the smartest person in the room. And the youngest.
• My new best friend is a girl named Sophia. She's 18 and on the tennis team and has a nose ring. She freaked out when I told her I was 27 and told me I couldn't be more than 20. Love her. I guess all that eye cream is really working.
• Everyone has their nose pierced. Everyone.
• I'm taking Human Sexuality and it will be the death of me. I am the oldest person in the class. I know this because we had to get to know the person sitting next to us and then introduce them to the class. Everyone started out with, "This is Suzy and she's 18..." I'm also the only person married. Oh, and I'm the biggest prude in the class too. I know this because when one girl introduced her new class friend and said, "This is Mary. She likes to smoke Hookah, and so do I. But we both dislike hard drugs." I was the only one who freaked out. Seriously, the teacher didn't even flinch. I guess I should mention that I'm the oldest except for the teacher, who would have surely been cast as the lead in "40 Year Old Virgin" had it starred a woman. She has very unfortunate hair and while she's well-versed in sex therapy, the concept of a brush is completely foreign to her. Today she was wearing a brown crushed velvet pant suit with big gold buttons. I cringe when she uses terms like "anal sex" and "masturbation". Who am I kidding? I cringe whenever anyone uses these terms. This class will be the death of me.
• Not only am I taking classes at JCCC, but I also have a class on the KSU campus. Every Thursday afternoon I drive 2 hours to Manhattan to sit in a 50 minute class with a bunch of sorority girls and listen to our teacher talk about dressing professionally and appropriate classroom behavior. Hello! I worked at the most conservative bank in the country for 3 years. Do I really need to be driving all this way to hear that I shouldn't be showing off the goods? This Thursday I'm going to bring my collection of panty hose and see if I can't test out. I'm also going to wear my 2003 Homecoming shirt and Gamma Phi lavaliere... just to seem more relateable to these kids. They'll surely think I'm super awesome when they find out I'm dating a Beta!

I'm assuming I'll have lots more stories and observations as I delve into the student life again... so get excited for that! I'm off to study Chemistry and find out what "hookah" is... and possibly report it to the authorities.