Hail To the Captain

I haven't talked about school for awhile. I know you're all dying to hear about Hookah Girl's crazy antics. Here's a quick recap on what's going down at community college:

• It's hot. At community college, hot weather = butt cracks. I've seen more BC in the last few weeks than I have in my entire life. And I think the girls know it. I just don't think they care. Here's my theory: low rise jeans came about when I was growing up (middle school? High school? Not sure.) so I had to make the transition to the potentially BC baring jeans. These girls have never known jeans to be anything but low rise, so I think they just assume your crack is supposed to show. During the winter the cracks were mostly covered up with coats and big sweatshirts. But now that the weather is warming up, they've all started donning their best sparkly halter tops that do nothing to conceal the derier. Crack kills.
• Last week a lady from Planned Parenthood came to our Human Sexuality class to do a presentation on STIs... which apparently is the new name for STDs. Weird. Anyways, I figured we'd get some good stories from Hookah Girl, since she's always so open with us. But she didn't say a word. She sat down and pulled out a gallon size Ziploc baggie of Captain Crunch Berries and munched on them slowly while the woman demonstrated how to properly use condoms and dental dams. I just picture her at home pulling out the box and stopping to think, "Maybe its weird if I bring the whole box." So she dumps the entire box into a huge freezer bag. I told you about the time she brought a family size carton of orange juice and drank directly from it during class, right?
• Today in Sex Class we were discussing marriage, divorce, and blended families. People were sharing stories of their own experiences with parents divorcing and transitioning into families with step-parents and step-brothers and sisters and the difficulties they had. Hookah Girl raises her hand and says, "Its like in that movie Step Brother where Will Ferrel has a really hard time getting used to a step brother." Ummm... wow. Our teacher has just started nodding and moving on.
• All chemistry presentations continue to have a slide about pets... thanks to me starting the trend! A guy went last week and his presentation was on ethyl alcohol. He didn't have any pets, so he thought it was funny to make every other slide a picture of a cat getting drunk from I Can Has Cheezeburger. It was not funny. It was totally inappropriate. One picture = funny. An entire presentation based on drunk cats = you fail, dummy.
• My Chemistry lab partners always think I'm dumb. Do I give off that vibe? You know in Mean Girls when Cady asks Aaron Samuels to tutor her in math and she keeps saying, "Wrong." in her head? Its like that, but I didn't ask for help. Any time I have a guy lab partner, he tries to let me copy his work, or tries to help me when my answer is different from his, and I always think in my head, "Wrong". Any advice on how to start giving off a genius vibe? Because seriously, I already landed my Aaron Samuels.