Up To My Elbows...

... in chicken guts.

I know, all I blog about lately is school.  But I really like school.  I usually end the day thinking, I can't believe they are paying me to do this.

But they are.  And as long as they continue to do so, you will continue to hear about school.

We started a poultry unit in my Creative Foods class.  I enjoy nothing less than poultry.  Seriously, chicken sicks me out.  So this will be a short unit. 

I haven't been an official educator for long, but I've come up with what I think is a pretty solid theory on student learning.  They say that kids only retain like 2% of what you say.  I believe that percentage goes way up when I gross them out.  So I try to make them squirm as often as possible. 

Today we were all squirming. 

Today this vegetarian FACS teacher demonstrated cutting up a whole chicken.  It was quite possibly the most successful day of the semester.  Seriously.

I introduced them to their chicken.  I let them name her.  Then we had her do a little dance. 

They named this gal Betsy.  She's an awesome dancer.

Next we reviewed the giblets.  What are they?  Where do we find them?

Then I stuck my hand inside the bird and pulled out her neck, heart, lungs, liver, and gizzard.

Freaking out the kids.

Violating Betsy.

Grossing myself out.

After we got all the giblety bits out, we reviewed the different parts and then chopped them off.

Julia Child ain't got nothing on me.

I got really graphic and over-exaggerated the breaking of bones and snapping of joints.  The kids were horrified and enthralled.  They kept quieting each other down so they could hear the cracking and crunching of poor Betsy's bones.

Betsy has wings but she can't fly.

Now let's get her legs!

Betsy will never run again.  Not that she ever did.

And next, I'll separate Betsy's thigh from her drumstick.

Craaaaaaaaaaaack.

At one point, there was complete silence and a girl said, totally serious, "This is the best cooking class ever."

Obviously I agree.

Any questions?

The best was removing the back, digging out the breast bone, and slicing the breast in two.  Or really, it was just fun saying the word breast in front of seventh graders and trying to keep a straight face.  It was really hard during 3rd hour when I had one kid say "Giggity" every time I said breast.  Seriously.

Giggity.

So Betsy and her friends were sufficiently deconstructed, the kids were thoroughly grossed out, and after doing this repeatedly today, I am an expert at chicken guts. 

And in case you're wondering, I am more dedicated than ever to not eating animals.  I'm pretty sure I converted several kids today too.  "I will never eat chicken again" was a common theme.

Happy Chicken Day!

Middle School Track

My history of track, like most things in my life, is long and storied.

No it's not.  It's very short and un-interesting. 

Back in the day, my days as a Wilbur Wrangler*, I went out for track.  I'm not even sure why.  I mean, I didn't do anything productive back then.  Regardless, I joined. 

I don't remember a whole lot about track, but I do remember that Brandy was there.  Brandy was about as productive as I was in middle school.  You can imagine how productive we were together.

Both of us were pegged as distance runners which meant that our coach would basically tell us to go run far.  I'm not sure where we were supposed to run, but usually we just ran to the Braum's down the street, sat down to eat ice cream, then ran back.  Peanut butter oatmeal cookie dough ice cream... so much better than running.

We were pretty nervous for our first meet, probably because of our lack of practice actually running.  So we agreed to run together during our 400 so that neither of us would look stupid coming in last.  Then that B took off without me and I ended up coming in last.  Alone.  Grrr...

We also ran the hurdles together.  Heaven forbid we actually do something independently.  Or well.  We were both pretty terrible at the hurdles.  The proof is on our 8th grade video yearbook where some a-hole included footage of Brandy falling while racing the hurdles at a meet.  Then some a-hole friend (me) showed that footage to her boyfriend in 9th grade**.

That's pretty much the extent of my experience with track.  I opted for cheerleading and Honey Bears in high school over a real sport and didn't pick up running again until college***.

So you can imagine my surprise when I was hired as the assistant track coach at school.  I didn't think I'd know what to do or how to help, but surprisingly my experience has totally come in handy. 

Like when the distance runners ask if they can run off school property.  Absolutely not.  There's a Starbucks right across the street.  You stay on the track ladies.

Or how about when my speedy miler all of a sudden started losing at meets and coming in at the same time as her BFF who has always been waaaay slower than her?  Oh we had a talk.  I know what's going on here.  She needs to pull a Brandy and just take off and leave her friend in the dust!

In all seriousness though, track is awesome.  I get to hang out with my kids every afternoon and spend time in the sun.  I'm also in charge of coaching high jump.  I didn't know what the high jump was until the day before track started.  But somehow a rumor got out that I did high jump in college.  I've had all kinds of parents come up to me and tell me how excited they are to have an expert coaching their kids.  My expert coaching usually goes like this:

"Jump higher."

Did I just blow your mind?  There's more:  they're actually paying me to do this.  I know!

*No, really.
**Serves that b*tch right for leaving me in the dust during the 400!
***Jim says I was too busy smoking to run track in high school. 

Volunteer

Life in FACsy world has been fantastic lately.  We're in the middle of a meat unit.  It is definitely more popular with the kids than veggies, but I'm less enthusiastic as you might have guessed.  Browning meat is messy.  All that grease you have to drain?  That's enough to make me go vegetarian.  Oh wait...

Yesterday the kids were making White Castle Sliders.  The recipe isn't really from White Castle.  But I like to jazz up the names to make them sound more exciting.  Plus it brings out some great Harold & Kumar quotes.

The kids are grouped by 4 in each kitchen.  Yesterday I had 2 kids missing from one of the kitchen groups, which makes slider-making tricky.  I announced that I needed one person from a kitchen of 4 to join these 2 loners.

Immediately, without hesitation, a girl stood straight up, hand in the air, and shouted, "I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE!!!"

I died.  Just died laughing.  Have I mentioned how much I freaking love these kids?  It's a lot. 

New Half Marathon PR!!!

Earlier this week I decided to run the Indian Creek Half Marathon... today.  Nothing like a little impromptu race weekend, right? 

So my running friend Brittney is getting coached by a real life running coach.  I did a long run with them a couple of weeks ago and after chatting for a bit, he came to the conclusion that I'm very confused about what pace I should be running.  He says that based on my most recent 5K time, I should be running an 8:20 pace for my marathon. 

That is crazy.  That would qualify me for Boston.  That is so much faster than I ever run in a marathon. 

So he suggested that I fit a half marathon into my training so that I could get a better feel for where I should be at... pace-wise, and to boost my confidence about running fast.  I set a goal for myself of beating 1 hour and 45 minutes.  That's an 8 minute per mile pace. 

This race is super small.  About 200 people ran.  The race is actually held on the trails that I usually do my training runs on so I was very familiar with the area.  It was a lot of out-and-backs, so not the most exciting race ever.  But I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day and I felt great!

Here are lots of pics taken by my personal photographer and one man cheering section*.

See the guy behind me in the blue shorts?  He seriously paced me for like 5 miles.  He was awesome.  This is right after I broke away and decided to push the pace toward the end.  He almost caught up to me at the finish line.



The finish!  See how close he was to catching me?!

 I almost puked at the end from the effort.  It hurt, but it felt so good to make my goal time!!!

All my goodies!

Yep, this is upside down.  I'm too lazy to fix it.

Since it was an out and back, I was able to see how many gals were in front of me because as they headed in to the finish, I was still heading out to the turnaround.  I counted 5, then caught up to one of them around mile 12 and passed her.  It is super awkward passing people in a small race, especially toward the end.  But, it's called a race for a reason, right?

So, I'm pretty sure I was the 4th female overall (no official results posted yet), and 4th in my age group.  I've never ever wanted to be 30 until I saw what the top 3 finishers in each age group won:

Winner.

They won some crazy Hallmark snowman statue!  What?!?  That is hilarious!  When they started handing them out, I looked at Drew and told him how badly I want that!  He said I just want one so I can blog about it.  Duh.  He knows me so well.

I did not win one.  Dang speedy girls!  Seriously, the winning female finished in 1:25.  That is crazy.  Cray-cray.

So, I learned a few things today. 

1. I can run faster than I think.  I think I just get scared.  26 miles is a long way.
2. I should not eat GU with caffeine.  I took one at mile 8 and could instantly feel my heart begin to race.
3. Boys DO NOT liked to be passed.  Especially by a girl.
4. I am a monster on hills.  This is where I pass boys. 
5. I must either get faster or turn 30 if I ever hope to win a snowman.  I think I'll forgo 30 and just try to run faster.

Must. Win. Snowman.

Ummm... did you notice?  No knee sleeves!!!  This is almost better than a PR. 


*Isn't Drew the best?