Middle School Track

My history of track, like most things in my life, is long and storied.

No it's not.  It's very short and un-interesting. 

Back in the day, my days as a Wilbur Wrangler*, I went out for track.  I'm not even sure why.  I mean, I didn't do anything productive back then.  Regardless, I joined. 

I don't remember a whole lot about track, but I do remember that Brandy was there.  Brandy was about as productive as I was in middle school.  You can imagine how productive we were together.

Both of us were pegged as distance runners which meant that our coach would basically tell us to go run far.  I'm not sure where we were supposed to run, but usually we just ran to the Braum's down the street, sat down to eat ice cream, then ran back.  Peanut butter oatmeal cookie dough ice cream... so much better than running.

We were pretty nervous for our first meet, probably because of our lack of practice actually running.  So we agreed to run together during our 400 so that neither of us would look stupid coming in last.  Then that B took off without me and I ended up coming in last.  Alone.  Grrr...

We also ran the hurdles together.  Heaven forbid we actually do something independently.  Or well.  We were both pretty terrible at the hurdles.  The proof is on our 8th grade video yearbook where some a-hole included footage of Brandy falling while racing the hurdles at a meet.  Then some a-hole friend (me) showed that footage to her boyfriend in 9th grade**.

That's pretty much the extent of my experience with track.  I opted for cheerleading and Honey Bears in high school over a real sport and didn't pick up running again until college***.

So you can imagine my surprise when I was hired as the assistant track coach at school.  I didn't think I'd know what to do or how to help, but surprisingly my experience has totally come in handy. 

Like when the distance runners ask if they can run off school property.  Absolutely not.  There's a Starbucks right across the street.  You stay on the track ladies.

Or how about when my speedy miler all of a sudden started losing at meets and coming in at the same time as her BFF who has always been waaaay slower than her?  Oh we had a talk.  I know what's going on here.  She needs to pull a Brandy and just take off and leave her friend in the dust!

In all seriousness though, track is awesome.  I get to hang out with my kids every afternoon and spend time in the sun.  I'm also in charge of coaching high jump.  I didn't know what the high jump was until the day before track started.  But somehow a rumor got out that I did high jump in college.  I've had all kinds of parents come up to me and tell me how excited they are to have an expert coaching their kids.  My expert coaching usually goes like this:

"Jump higher."

Did I just blow your mind?  There's more:  they're actually paying me to do this.  I know!

*No, really.
**Serves that b*tch right for leaving me in the dust during the 400!
***Jim says I was too busy smoking to run track in high school.