Coyote Ugly

Quote of the Day:

"Your kids are the kids my kids won't be allowed to hang out with."

-Kaitlyn McInerny (Said to me sometime ago back in my first go-round of college)

Well Kait, I may not have kiddos of my own, but I sure am allowed to hang out with (and influence) other people's kids. That's right, I'm an official (is there any other kind?) teacher aide at Olathe East High School. Every Monday and Wednesday I go for a few hours and help out in two classes, both Fashion 1. Who would have thought they'd allow me to be around kids?! Apparently they don't do background checks for these kinds of things.

I didn't know much going into this, just that they'd paired me up with a FACS teacher, which can mean a lot of things. My first encounter with my teacher was interrupted when another faculty member walked by and my teacher hollered out her Bachelor predictions. That's when I knew we'd get along just fine. I was so thrilled when she showed me around the classroom and pointed out the "Door of Hotness" where the students (all girls) are encouraged to bring photos of hot guys to hang up. She invited me to bring a photo too. Would it be weird if I brought a picture of Drew making yummy faces?

All the students are girls, and they are hilarious. Right now they are working on putting together a fashion show. I don't remember having this sort of thing in high school, but apparently it is a really big deal at East. I'm so excited to help them put it together. And so un-qualified. There's no sewing or anything involved (Thank goodness! Right Jana?), but even so, I'm not exactly a fashion maven. If anyone needs help pairing black with pearls, I'm your gal.

And since I know ya'll are dying for an update on life in Community College, here ya go:

• In Human Sexuality we were discussing how researchers collect data on sex, which sometimes entails experiments that involve people being hooked up to machines to measure heart rate, blood pressure, etc. while they... do it. Hookah girl announced that she is broke and wonders how much these experiments pay. She's also interested in selling her eggs. Umm... I'm sorry, I didn't realize this class doubles as a black market for reproductive parts. I wanted to shake her and shout, "Stop spending money on hookah or you'll never get out of community college!!!"
• In textiles class we were doing an experiment where we had to burn different pieces of fabric and note differences in flame size, smell, etc. Obviously we had to go outside to do this. Immediately after arriving outside, my entire group lit up their cigarettes. With each new fabric that we (I) burned, I would announce that it smelled like cigarette smoke... thinking I was funny. No one else thought I was funny and they wrote on their papers that each fabric smelled like cigarette smoke when it burned. Huh. Maybe I'm not funny... but at least my lungs are clean(ish).
• A lovely woman in my textiles class saw my wedding ring and started giving me lots of great tips on what to do when I get divorced. So helpful these folks! Had she not had a cigarette in one hand I'm sure she would have written all of this helpful information down for me. She did offer me a cigarette though. Lung cancer & a divorce, wow!
• This is not a joke. I was walking through the cafeteria at lunch time, so like every seat was full. I seriously stopped short when I passed a man... probably in his fifties... sitting at a table alone... studying... with a boom box... blaring... wait for it... Leanne Rhymes... Can't Fight The Moonlight. I looked around thinking that this seriously has to be some kind of a joke. I'm being punked, right? I don't think I was.