Clueless

"You know how picky I am about my shoes.  They only go on my feet."
                                                                                                              -Cher Horowitz


My birthday is coming up.  Expect to hear lots about that for the next week or so.  As for now... Drew has promised me Birthday Boots.  I'm having a really tough time finding exactly what I want.  Although most of my shoes come from Target, I'm actually very picky about them.  They have to be right.  Shape, height, color... they have to be right.  And not too expensive.  Because I like quantity too.

Today we set out for some boot shopping.  I saw some that I like online at Macy's.  So I told Drew we had to go to Macy's.  And maybe Steve Madden.  He complained like crazy about going to the mall.  He's a dude, I get it.  But it's my birthday.  Suck it up and let's go.

So, we're driving and I'm in the middle of what must have been an extremely compelling story, when I look up and become disoriented.  I see Macy's but we definitely haven't been driving long enough to get to Oak Park.  My story wasn't that long.  I realize we're at Metcalf South.  The following conversation ensued:

Jamie:  "Oh hell no.  We are not going to this Macy's."

Drew:  "Why not?  It's Macy's and it's closer.  I thought this is where you wanted to go"

Jamie:  "You know I said we were going to the mall!"

Drew:  "This is the mall.  You said you wanted to go to Macy's and that other place.  How was I supposed to know it wasn't here."

Jamie:  "Because I didn't say I wanted to go to Macy's and Sears!"

Drew: "This is so dumb.  That's like saying you would go to a further Wal Mart because the closer one is more ghetto."

Jamie:  "Exactly like that.  It's like how we go to Wal Mart to buy groceries, but you wouldn't go to that same Wal Mart to buy regular stuff like a crock pot."

Drew:  "But that's a Wal Mart Neighborhood Market.  It's a completely different store."

Jamie:  "Yeah, it's the same as that Macy's.  It's a completely different store."

Drew:  "Then why doesn't it have a different name?"

Jamie:  "It does.  It's the Macy's Crap Market."

Drew:  "Oh yeah.  Well what do they sell?  Crap?"

Jamie:  "Yes!"

Drew:  "Maybe you should do marketing for them."

Can you believe he tried to take me to Macy's Crap Market at Metcalf South?  For my birthday!  That's like telling someone you will take them out for a nice steak dinner on their birthday and then taking them to Hometown Buffet. 

Macy's Non-Crap Market had boots that seemed to fit the bill, but they were so freaking crowded that it took the lady like 20 minutes to tell me they didn't have my size.  I really wanted to stop at the Macy's at Metcalf South on the way home but decided to keep my mouth shut and save some pride.  I still have no boots.  Crap or otherwise.

BTW... what happened to the Steve Madden Store?  Did it move or is it gone?