Never a Dull Moment

Friends, I don't know why these things happen to me.  Maybe it is because I'm at home during odd hours of the day.  Hopefully when I start my full-time gig (in August!!!) I will avoid some of the ridiculous occurrences that are becoming a bit too frequent in Jamie Land.

Who was it that said something about how bloggers naturally have crazy things happen to them so they'll have something to write about?  The situation was not helped by the fact that Drew & I are balls deep in a 24 Marathon and I currently suspect everyone around me of being a terrorist.

The following takes place between 2:45 and 2:52 PM.  Events happen in real time.

2:45:  I sit down on the side of our house to plant some marigolds that I just picked up.  I start to ho.  Ha.

2:46:  My attention is temporarily drawn away from my marigolds as I hear two men shouting.  I look up to see two cops, guns drawn*, walking down the street, shouting at my neighbor to "Put your hands where I can see them!"

2:47:  I sit amongst my marigolds with my hands in the air.  I can barely hear my neighbor talking as two more cops approach, only one with a gun** drawn, who yells, "Get on the fucking ground!"

2:48:  My mind is reeling, thinking through all the terrorist organizations he may be connected with, what they're planning, and how I definitely never trusted that dude.

2:49:  I hear my neighbor say something to the effect of, "I don't know who to listen to!" and one of the PV cops yells, "The one with the biggest fucking gun!"  Okay, PV Cops.  I know this is ultra serious terrorist business, but come on.  You all have the same size gun***.

2:50:  Big scary PV cops continue to assert their dominance on silly terrorist neighbor.  Cop without his gun drawn sees me across the street, amongst my marigolds, with my hands in the air and motions for me to put my hands down.

2:51:  Not so scary PV cop starts heading my direction.  I recognize him as the cop who came to check up when I called in that crack head a couple of weeks ago.  He asks if I saw anything.  I say no.  He explains that someone called my neighbor in for shooting a gun and that apparently it was just an air gun and my neighbor was shooting it into the trees.  I have no idea what these words mean.

2:52:  Cops leave.  Silly terrorist neighbor mows lawn.  I leave my marigolds to write blog.

And there you have it friends.  Now, what have we learned?  1. My neighbor is way too dumb to be a terrorist.  2. PV Cops get super excited to use their big big guns.  3. Ho-ing is best left to the weekends. 

Have a nice day.  I hope you don't get shot.

*Big fucking guns!!!
**Dude.  That is a big gun.
*** Yes.  They are huge.  As I'm sure your ____ is.