2012 in Review: Biggest Fails

You know I get into my fair share of pickles.  And I just love to share my crazy mishaps.  Somehow I've forgotten to tell you about a few.  And we just can't start the new year with you thinking 2012 went off without a hitch. 

I give you 2012's Biggest Fails:

1.  Ari's Ear.

Back in September, my socially inept dog had a little snafu with an otherwise friendly and sociable dog.  Katy was dog-sitting so I brought my mutts over for a little play date.  We were having a grand time drinking beers on her deck when all of a sudden we realized the deck was covered with blood.  Lots of blood. 

We realized the blood was coming from Mr. Dog's ear.  After trying to mend it myself, I was quickly overwhelmed by the amount of blood and we shot off to the doggie ER where he was drugged up and patched up.  We got home super late and I assumed it was the end of our ordeal.  I was wrong.

This is your dog on drugs.

Also important to this story is that Drew was out of town. 

The next morning I let Ari out of his crate and into the back yard.  He was trying to take off his cone and in a moment of freak out, I ran outside after him, closing the door behind me... not realizing I had just locked myself out... at 5 AM.  I sat on the front porch until around 6 AM when I finally saw a light come on in a neighbor's house.  After scaring the shit out of her, I used her phone to call Drew over and over and over until he finally answered and was able to call his dad who has a key to our house.  Thanks Tom!

Over the course of the next 5 days I went to the doggie ER 5 times due to the fact that my silly dog was relentless in pulling off his bandages and spraying blood all over my house.  Finally the vet gave me some serious sedatives, which still didn't keep him down.

The injury wasn't that bad, and probably wouldn't have been such a big deal had it happened to any other dog in the world.  But my guy likes to make things difficult.  And of course it happened when Drew was out of town. 

Ari is fine now... minus the fact that part of his ear is missing.  We tell him it gives his face character.  Still... a total fail.

2. The Roof.

My darling husband likes to get his hands dirty with DIY home projects.  So when our insurance company told us they would drop us if we didn't replace our old-ass roof, Drew decided to take on the project himself.

Sometimes I think he underestimates the amount of work involved... like what really goes into putting a new roof on a 50-year-old house.  Or how much work goes into taking off the 3-layers that have been piled on within those 50 years.

In October Drew planned out his project, priced out supplies, and trucked home a garage full of plywood and shingles.  I helped unload all these supplies... still a point of contention in our marriage.

Drew & his 1-man crew of Tom (Thanks Tom!) spent an entire day removing the old layers of roofing.  After an entire day of back-breaking labor, the two of them had removed 2 of the 3 layers on the back half of the roof.  The next morning they were back at it. 

After about an hour, Drew came in claiming he'd possibly maybe made a mistake and "bit off more than he could chew".  Lucky for us our dear friend (Hi Izzo!) manages a roofing company.  Within a couple of hours we had an entire crew on top of the house ripping off shingles.  By 7 o'clock that night we had a beautiful new roof.  Hooray!

After this incredible fail, we will think twice before taking on big scary projects.  Fail. 

3.  The Great Microwave Melting of 2012.

I always joke that I have set the kitchen on fire several times.  In 2012 I took that to a whole different level.  Here's how things went down.

I was making veggie burgers which called for toasted walnuts.  I lit the gas stove and set the pan on the flame to heat while I chopped the walnuts on the opposite counter.  After a couple of minutes I registered a smell that reminded me of burning paper. 

I turned around to see that the dish towel hanging above the stove had caught a spark and was literally up in flames.  As was my microwave.

I screamed.  Drew ran in.  He grabbed the fire extinguisher.  And I ran out of the house. 

The damage... even after we cleaned everything up.

Moral of the story, don't hang your dish towel above your stove.  And make sure you have a working fire extinguisher readily available. 

Silver Lining:  I got a new microwave! 

4.  My New Passport Photo.

We have big plans for international travel in 2013, and my passport is due to expire.  I was filling out the forms and knew I needed to get a new photo taken.  I checked out my old photo and thought to myself how terrible that photo was.  I looked so chubby!  I was holding onto a few (more than a few) extra pounds in college.  Something about beer and pizza...

Anyways, I headed to CVS and had a new photo snapped.  There was an audible gasp when I saw my new photo. 

Old-ass crack head.

For the record, I would choose chubby college kid to old-ass crack head every time.

Seriously though, is that what I look like?!?!?  Fail.

I'm leaving it at four.  I'm sure if I thought a bit harder I could come up with a fifth fail... like the time I almost got fired from my super-awesome job, or the time we lost to Baylor (wtf?), or when we got kicked out of that super fancy restaurant, or all those times I drank too much and acted a fool.  But I think four will suffice.

Here's to more fails in 2013!  I hope that by 2014 we'll be able to laugh at them!